grey day

today i want to wallow in my own self pity. i want to lay in bed and feel sorry for myself. i want to obsess over my failures. i want to cry.

my kids won't let me.

my previous self would have watched tv, had a bath, laid in bed. complain. whine. be depressed.

my mama self has to get up, get moving, entertain, feed, nourish the mind and body. no time for self pity. ignore it. forget it. get over it.

i don't want to get over it, forget it. i want to wallow. let me wallow.

sometimes i miss the old me, the previous self. she did not appreciate the time she had. the indulgences. i want one day of her life back. maybe i would appreciate it more. take advantage of it. get the most out of a day of doing nothing. sleep in. watch daytime tv. eat when i want to. lay in bed in the middle of the day.

*sigh*