throw me a line

Drowning.

I am.

And it sucks.

Friends are leaving and it makes me incredibly sad. I feel very alone without friends to turn to.

Work is chaos. I still love it, just so much work. I am working harder than I have ever worked as a teacher. And it's a lot. And I am not doing enough. It should be more.

Basketball has started which means that my previously free evenings are no longer. We have basketball, hockey, soccer, swimming plus 2 full time jobs, volunteering, meetings and trying to see each other in between.

But we are healthy, and surviving this chaos. And I am still blessed. Because I love my job, I love coaching, I enjoy watching my kids play sports and have fun. I feel fulfilled.

And it's 1 month till Christmas and that makes me so happy. I can't wait for cold nights, Christmas lights, egg nog and rum, family dinners, caroling, church, time together and a little new years escape.

Abundance, overflowing.

Boom

My beautiful friend had her insides explode, required other people's blood to be pumped into her while she had life saving surgery. And she will be fine. It will take a long time for her to feel normal but she will be fine. Perfect, really.

A 10 year old at the kids' school has brain cancer. She is being treated at Children's hospital. Her family is struggling, trying to find the way to cope through the unthinkable.

A toddler in my town has had her leukemia come back, yes, she is 2 and she has cancer again. unimaginable.

A teenager in my town has had his cancer return and this time they are keeping him comfortable. Allowing him time to do the things he wants to do before he dies. A bucket list. Because he is a teenager, not a man, and he is going to die.

My life is full of joy. My life is full of love. My life is a life and I am so grateful. I can not complain. I can not whine and bitch about the lack of time, or how busy I am or anything. Because my insides did not explode. My child does not have cancer. I am not a teenager who will never become an adult.

This is a bummer post but this is all immeasurably sad. And I need to remember to have perspective. Because I am blessed.